Living Lists

My friend Kara has been battling cancer for over a year now. She has bravely confronted, talked, and written about her struggles with this horrible disease. Her blog, Mundane Faithfulness, is a beautiful look into her world of love, family, suffering, and faith. I admire the way she bravely clings to what's important in life, even as her body is beaten and bruised by the cancer.

This week she has written about bucket lists and living. She talks of not being caught up in marking things off lists just for the sake of doing it. The post snagged my attention because I do have a list. If you've been here on the mountain before, you've read about my lists. I am a girl who loves lists. There is something in having all my things lined up in a little row like second grade girls on Pioneer Club nights (oh, you'll hear about this in another post!) that makes my heart sing.

My list started after Mom got sick. As I watched my amazing, 50-something mother slowly become unable to do the things she loved and wanted to do, I began to look at my own life. I've always had a bit of fear lurking around in the dark corners of my life. Fear of failure, or success, or living the wrong life. Through the years, fear held me back from truly living and experiencing life.

If my mother had fears as I was growing up, I was not aware of them. As an adult, she did reveal to me one of the fears she did battle with when I was a teenager. She didn't let it stop her; she lived life as it came and worked through it. She loved and nurtured and was always there for us. I want to be that kind of a woman.

So, after Mom got sick, I began to make lists that some people would call bucket lists. I've never liked the term. A bucket list is about all the things you want to do before you die. My list is about focusing on all the things I want to do as I live. I like to think of my list as the Living List...these are the things I want to do to live my life to the fullest, and not just eke my way through it.

My list encompasses the grand things like visiting Paris and climbing to the top of the Eiffel Tower. It includes little things like sending notes to my grandmother regularly, which I'm embarrassed to admit I don't do often enough. It's about all those things that ensure that I am living and impacting others while on this journey.

At the end of my life, if I haven't seen the world from the top of the Eiffel tower, I don't want it to be because I was fearful, but because there was just too much living going on for me to get there.

 It's not so much about having people look at me and say, "Gosh, Tammie has a great list and she does amazing things." I think it's more that I want to get down to the end of my life, whenever that may be, and be able to say, "I lived. I loved. I experienced this world and made a difference."

I love reading Kara's blog because she is so real and so honest. Cancer is not beating her, it's making her a better version of who she was. She doesn't have a list, but she is focusing on living right here, right now. If you haven't visited, I encourage you to stop by her blog. There may be some tears as you read about what she has gone through, but there's a whole lot of life and beauty in her words!

Labeling People

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Today I listened to the radio as drove to work and heard a quote by Max Lucado where he said that labels allow us to wash our hands and leave. Labeling people keeps us from seeing the real person beneath the label. At the very next opportunity I put the quote (as best as I could remember it since I had to wait until I was no longer driving) into my phone for future reference. But, you know how God is, future reference was apparently closer than I expected.

The reality of Max’s words sunk in and began to work. How many times have I labeled someone as obnoxious and detoured around them? Or said, “They’re emotionally needy and I just don’t have the energy for that.”  It happens and as I thought about it I realized it happens more than I’d like to admit.

Placing a label allows us to not see the person behind the words we use to categorize them. When we label someone we can overlook the real person. We can make excuses and justifications. When we label someone we do that person a disservice. More importantly, we block the path for God to use us to minister to that person.

I’m thankful that God doesn’t label me the way I’ve labeled others.  He might label me pretentious, unloving, stuck-up. Yes, I’m thankful He doesn’t do unto me as I do unto others. I’m also thankful that He keeps at me until I finally figure out what He’s trying to tell me and then He helps me to change.

Love Sucks! Or Does It?

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It’s that time of year again. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Sadly, a day meant to celebrate love often causes grief and sadness for many.

While I was in my 20s, my friends and I often held “Love Sucks” parties on Valentine’s Day. It was a time to bemoan the fact that there was no Mr. or Miss Right in our lives. I actively participated in those parties of my youth because I wasn’t content in where God had me.

The expectations of Valentine’s Day are huge and those expectations create a lot of discomfort for many people I know. As a never-been-married person I’m here to say that it can be hard to be a single on a couple day.

Somewhere along the line I let go of the expectations and embraced the day for what it should be…a day to celebrate those we love even if it’s not a romantic love. So, I’m thumbing my nose at the Teleflora and Hallmark commercials and especially the Lifetime Channel and celebrating love, just love.

The love of my savior

For great is your love toward me…  Psalm 86:13

The love of family

God sets the lonely in families… Psalm 68:6

The love of friends

A friend loves at all times…  Psalm 17:17

Celebrate those you love today!

To Give Them Beauty for Ashes

This piece was originally posted in 2007 on the Christian Writer's Forum Blog.

To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes. These words come from Isaiah in Chapter 61:3. He is proclaiming to the people of Israel that he comes at God’s command to promise these things. This verse has come to mind frequently over the last year. It is a promise I cling to.

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This morning I lay in bed with Mom while she rested and watched the trees blowing in the breeze outside the window. There is one tree at the back of the yard that has begun to change to brilliant shades of yellow and gold. As the wind blew the leaves would catch a ray of sunlight and send out a shimmering flash. The effect was that of twinkle lights on a Christmas tree. It was a beautiful sight. I was encouraged by the fact that the leaves are dying, as it is their time, but still there is beauty in that dying. As I lay there enjoying this display of God’s beauty, I was reminded of the verse in Isaiah.

My mother has a chronic illness and there is nothing beautiful about the disease process. My family mourns for her. The loss comes slowly and stealthily. It is very hard to watch her suffer. Despite this, I am able to find some beauty in this situation. This comes as a shock to some people. They don’t understand how I can say this. I won’t ever tell you that I am happy with what is happening to Mom. However, I take comfort in the fact that God is in control and I look for beauty as a reminder of His promise to give us beauty for ashes.

There is incredible beauty in my parent’s love story. Always evident, it is much more so these days. I see the love that has lasted for more than 47 years reflected in Mom and Dad’s eyes as they interact. I see how patiently and lovingly my Dad fulfills his wedding vows. He keeps going despite his own grief. There is beauty in Mom as she laughs at our silly jokes and crazy things the dog does. The changes the disease has brought cannot change the fact that Mom is a beautiful person inside and out.

I see the beauty of God’s plan for my life that has allowed me to minister to Mom and Dad in a very tangible way during this time. In January of 2007 a lay-off took my job. I met with the HR Director the day after I found out and he asked me, “How are you doing, Tamara?” I responded with the truth, “I am doing just fine.” He then asked me how I could say that considering my circumstances. The truth is I trusted that God was working in this and there was beauty in that trust.

It’s hard to lose a job through no fault of your own. Not only was I thinking about how I was going to go forward, but 22 of my coworkers were losing their jobs also. There is no beauty in having your only source of income cut off. Yet, it was this lay-off that opened the door for me to take nine months to give Mom and Dad what they needed most, time. The beauty of God’s design for my life is evident.

We all will have times of ugliness in our lives. We will have times of mourning and suffering. James tells us to expect trials in the very first chapter of his book. There is no hiding the fact that in this world there is suffering. I encourage you, though, to keep looking for the beauty in life. When you least expect it God just may give you twinkle lights on a fall tree to encourage you. He has promised He will exchange your ashes for beauty. Hold tight to that promise.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

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m_bartosch /FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Today a couple friends and I went to see Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. My main reason for wanting to go is that Tom Hanks stars in the movie. Do you all know how I feel about Tom Hanks? You can read about my feelings for him in this post.

I wasn’t sure what to think about the movie and I haven’t read the book. The story it tells is one that we can all relate to in some way. Oskar Schell is 9 and his father died in the World Trade Center on 09/11. He and his dad always went on expeditions to find information or lost things. So when Oskar finds a key in his dad’s closet he believes this is an expedition his dad has sent him on one last time. So he sets out to find the lock the key will open.

I tried to read the book before seeing the movie but the first chapter turned me off. It rambled and the dialogue jumbled together. After seeing the movie I understand what the author was trying to do, but I found the first chapter so disjointed I couldn’t read anymore.

Anyway, that’s just me. But one thing my friends and I talked about after movie ended was whether it is okay to make a fictional story out of a real event. One friend said it just didn’t feel right to her. Honestly, I hadn’t even considered it because as a fiction writer that’s what I do; make stories out of real life. However, I could see her point.

Another friend pointed out that we do that with pretty much all of history and by way of example cited the movie Titanic. The movie is being re-released in honor of the 100^th anniversary in April 2012.

First friend agreed and pondered the possibility that maybe Extremely Loud didn’t feel comfortable because we lived through it. The event is one of the major historical events of our life time. I could see her point there also.

In some respects, as an artist, I know I use my words and stories to process things in my life. I wonder if that is why Jonathan Safran Foer wrote his story. Possibly he needed to process and try to make sense out of the tragedy.

What do you all think? Is it okay to use something like 09/11 and make a fictional account surrounding it?

Conspiracy Theories

Hello Blog Friends! It’s finally Friday and I don’t know about you, but I am looking forward to the weekend. This is the first week in a while that I had to work a full week. It’s taking some getting used to again.


Today is the 6th day of the new year. How are your goals/resolutions coming along? A lot of what I’ve read on the internet says that by this time most of us have already failed at our resolutions. I prefer not to think about it as failure, because change is a process. The only failure is if you don’t try. Having said that, I’m doing okay so far with my goals.

One of the goals I made this year was to spend more time in relationship with Christ. Relationship is what it’s all about after all. We grow our friendships by spending time with one another so my goal is to be intentional about spending time with God. It’s the best way to grow our relationship.

Image: Pixomar / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
The other night in my quiet time I came about this verse in Isaiah 8, verses 11 through 14.

“The LORD spoke to me with his strong hand upon me, warning me not to follow the way of this people. He said: "Do not call conspiracy everything that these people call conspiracy; do not fear what they fear, and do not dread it. The LORD Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy…”

This verse just jumped off the page for me. Right now my employer (a city owned hospital) is going through a really challenging time. The city council has been evaluating bids by different companies to lease and run the hospital. This is a good thing for the hospital and for the community.

A good thing doesn’t always mean the status quo and so things will be changing, possibly by the end of the year. As it usually does in situations like this the grape vine has been flourishing. People are concerned and many theories about what may happen are scampering around the office as well as the city. It’s tough for everyone. Morale has plunged and people have begun to leave for pastures that seem more stable.

I’ll admit, I have my own theories and I have talked about them with coworkers and friends. It’s hard not to. It’s human nature. But in the midst of this God has reminded me of who’s in control. He gave me these words from Isaiah as a way of telling me to let go of the “conspiracy” theories and to trust His plan. I can’t see the full plan right now, but God is holy and because of that it’s going to be okay.

This Year I Resolve...

Welcome to 2012! A new year holds such promise. It’s not like anything really changed from yesterday to today other than the 1 changed to a 2, but so many people view the new year as a fresh start. I’m one of those people.


Even though nothing fundamental has changed, the year end seems like a logical time to re-evaluate my life and my goals. I’m not a fan of resolutions. I prefer to work with goals. It just feels like goals are more doable and concrete than resolutions.

Here’s the thing. This year, as with the last few years, I’ve wanted to finish my novel. If I had resolved to write everyday or something along those lines I would have failed in the month of January and might have thrown in the towel.

Photo Source: Renjith Krishnan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Instead, I chose to set a goal of finishing my novel by the end of the year. (I’ve since come to realize that finishing the novel is a rather nebulous goal. Does that mean just write it regardless of what the outcome is? Does it mean shopping it to agents and publishers? Or does it mean seeing it on the bookstore shelves?) When half the year had gone by and the novel wasn’t done and I had studied the craft more I made a concrete goal…

I am going to finish the first draft by the end of 2011

Oh and by the way, I managed to accomplish that goal on December 30! So for 2012 I’ve set a number of writing goals related to my novel. One is to submit the first chapter to the ACFW Genesis contest. The second is to revise the first draft to fix problems and polish it. The third is to write a proposal and have it ready to shop around by about May.

I guess I could say I resolve to do these things, but instead I say they are goals. Maybe it’s just semantics but it works for me.

What about you? Do you make resolutions?

Will You Deny Me?

Jesus said to him, “Assuredly, I say to you that this night, before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.”


Peter said to Him, “Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You!”

And so said all the disciples.

Matthew 26: 34 – 35



Peter was a good man. Jesus declared him the rock of the church. But like so many other great people of the Bible, Peter had his faults.

When confronted with the idea that he would ever deny Jesus he was vehement that it would never happen. Before the day was out Christ’s words had come true and Peter was forced to acknowledge he was not as strong as he believed.

Tonight I came face to face with my own weakness. I was driven to my knees by the desire for my life to be more than it is, for God to use me in whatever ways He chooses.

In the next moment when confronted with what I might have to sacrifice I dissolved in tears. I found I couldn’t say the words. I struggled with the knowledge that I hold tight to things more than I do to God.

They are worthy things, but when anything comes before God it becomes an idol. These worthy things become stumbling blocks in my path.

I wept bitterly at the knowledge of these idols. I imagine Peter did also when he realized what he had done by denying his Lord. He didn’t back off and give up. He kept going knowing that Christ loved him and would continue to do so. He was open to God’s plan and God was able to use him despite his failings.

4 Quick Lessons from the Cat

My wise kitty cat has been offering words of wisdom on my Facebook page. He thought I should share them here on the mountain also. And, he thinks he needs a Facebook page also. Still undecided about that, he is wise, but he is only 6 after all.


Anyway, here we go…

1. Life will give you hairballs. Hack them up and move on.

2. Live with gusto, embrace your crazy cat ladyness, embrace who God created you to be.

3. On a rainy, dreary night it is advisable to have a human to slog through the wet to bring home the bacon and kitty kibble.

4. If someone comes home and doesn’t feed you dinner in a timely manner, sit in front of your bowl and stare at it until said someone gets a clue. Looking cute while doing it helps them get it faster.

Weekend in Review

Happy Monday Readers! Hope your weekend was good. Mine was busy, but that’s pretty much the norm for everyone these days.


I spent the evening Friday with my dad. It was my weekly clean his house time. That means we usually talk for a couple of hours before I actually get to the toilets and floors. We talk about things that happened at work. Well, I guess I should say that I talk about things at work ‘cause he usually can’t get a word in edge wise when I’m talking! Dad and I have good conversations about politics and religion. While we think a lot alike on many things he often says things that really make me think. That’s a good thing. Let me tell you, if the president and congress would listen to me and dad they could fix the problems of this country pretty quick.

Saturday started bright and early. It was a weekend day when I woke the cat up instead of vice versa! He usually has to work pretty hard to get me out of bed on the weekends.

Speaking of getting me out of bed….when I have something important to tell Wilson and he’s not paying attention to me I will put my hand under his chin and lift his little face so he can look in my eyes and see how serious I am. The other day he was trying to get me up to feed him breakfast and I was ignoring him. Finally he reached over and put his paw under my chin to lift my face. In other words, “Listen to my words Mommy, this is important.” He’s done it twice again since then. That’s my boy.

Anyway, Saturday was a brilliantly beautiful morning in the shadow of our mountain. The sun shone and the air held just a bit of a chill. My friend Renee and I headed out to the park to walk in the Walk to End Alzheimer’s. You all know that since my mom came down with dementia this battle is very near and dear to my heart. This is the fourth year the Lewy Ladybugs have walked to fight dementia. It’s a nice brisk walk on a fall morning and it supports a great cause.

Saturday night is always my night with my dad. We go to church and then do dinner either at my house or his house. This tradition started when Mom got to the point that she couldn’t go to church. I would stay with her and Dad, my sister and the kids would go to church and bring home communion for Mom. Then we did family dinner. This tradition is something that we have continued and now that my sister’s family moved out of state it’s just me and Dad. I look forward to Saturday nights with Dad.

On the subject of dementia, did you all hear about Pat Robertson and how he believes that because Alzheimer’s is a sort of death and that divorcing a spouse with it is justifiable!?! I have to say that I about fell out of my chair when I first read this. I can’t believe that a man who purports to have studied the Bible would come up with this conclusion. Life isn’t fair and marriage is tough. People make a vow to honor in “sickness and in health.”

Yes, it is true that dementia is a sort of death because your loved one is often gone long before their body gives out. But, they are still the person you married. I walked alongside Mom and Dad through this and I have to say that watching my father was one of the most amazing things ever. His love never wavered. He gave up large parts of himself and his life to care for Mom. It was the most beautiful and tender things I have ever witnessed. I know it had to kill him inside every day, but he continued on. He did it because he loves my mother and he made a vow and he stood by that vow even when times got tough.

I am disappointed that a man of faith would say such a thing and advocate divorce. He really needs to take a look at his heart and his priorities. I pray that if anything horrible were ever to happen to him that his wife, DeDe has more compassion and commitment to her marriage vows than he seems to have.

So, that was my weekend. How was yours?

Don't Ya Love Dishwashing!?!

I’m pretty spoiled. I have many of the modern conveniences. I even have a dishwasher; her name is Tammie. Sometimes she needs to be prodded to get the dishes done.


Actually I have a real dishwasher. It sits there next to the fridge and taunts me. She stopped working about a year ago and I just can’t convince myself to shell out my hard earned bucks to replace her.

So, I wash dishes the old fashioned way. Truth is I think there’s something soothing about washing dishes. I came up with this revelation when I worked at Baskin-Robbins years ago. After a busy day it was nice to fill the sink with hot water and suds and wash the grime of the day away and put things in order.

When I wash dishes I often think of my grandmothers. Both hardworking women that helped shape my life. My paternal grandmother long ago taught me that hot water grew your suds and cold water killed them. That little nugget rocked my teenage world.

My maternal grandmother is a farmer’s wife. She fed and cleaned up after a family of 14 and always looked for ways to save money. Her water comes from a cistern and it is precious. From her I learned that you don’t need to start with a sink full to the brim to still get your dishes clean.

Believe it or not, I also think of my brother during my one-on-one time with my dinnerware. When we were growing up we had to clean up after dinner. Every night it was fighting over who was going to wash and who was going to dry. But it was often an adventure. There was the time we took a lit candle into the kitchen and almost set the cabinets on fire. And, I will never live down my comment, “Stop it Tommy, you’re getting the dishes too wet!”

Washing dishes is just one of those things of life. Some may wonder why I’m blogging about such a mundane thing. Well, while cleaning up the kitchen recently this verse ran through my head…

Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men ~Colossians 3:23

Really, that’s what life is all about, in the everyday tasks (even dish washing) we are to work for the Lord.

Changes and Possibilities

There’s a delightful feeling of fall in the air. The temps have dropped some and the mornings are blissfully cool. I am in heaven since fall is my favorite time of year. I’m looking forward to leaves changing colors, pumpkins and scarecrows showing up, and sunny, cool days.


I find fall and spring to be wonderful times. The transition from a cold, bitter winter or a hot, cranky summer is for me the perfect time. It seems that as the world transitions so does something in my soul.

Transitions are happening a lot in my world. The hospital is going through a time of transition and struggle. The last few weeks there have been talks of layoffs and that makes things even tougher.

Upon review of my life I realize that layoffs and uncertain job futures has been a prominent message in my work going back to about 1993. So, what is happening at work is nothing new for me and in some ways that is comforting. I know how to handle it. I did get laid off in 2007 and God was faithful during that time.

He took that time of transition and uncertainty and gave me an incredible gift. I spent much time the 10 months I was unemployed with Mom and Dad. Those were the last 10 months of my mother’s life and while walking with her during those months were hard I also have sweet memories of being so intimately involved in hers and Dad’s life. I wrote about one of those beautiful moments here.

In the midst of this, though, God is whispering in my heart about something. I think it’s a new writing project but I’m not sure what it’s all about yet. I’m excited about what this might be and keep listening for that quiet voice.

In the writing world, I’ve been trying my hand at some new forms of fiction. I’ve been working on a fantasy short story and a mystery/thriller. These are not my norm so it’s been fun to see where that leads me.

Flash fiction is also something I’ve given the old college try. Flash fiction is very, very short stories. A blurb in the paper about Esquire’s 78th anniversary and a flash fiction contest caught my eye. The word count was to be exactly 78 words. I tried it and came up with a story. I haven’t decided yet whether I’m going to submit it or try another one first, but I promise to post some of my attempts when I decide what to submit.

So, lots of stuff happening in my world and I thought I would share with you. Have a great week.

Turtle Girl has a Friend

Turtle Girl has a friend. Do you remember Turtle Girl? I wrote about her here.


Turtle Girl and Peacock Boy have become friends. One day Peacock Boy told Turtle Girl that he is no longer a peacock.

“See, TG, I have this wig. I’m now a lion! You can address me as King because I am the new king of this zoo.”

Turtle Girl asks, “Why, PB, why do you want to be a lion?”

“Because the lion is majestic. People flock to the zoo to see him. He prances around his cage and the people ‘oh’ and ‘ah’. I want people to do the same for me. I can be just as good a lion as Lion Dude can.”

With that Peacock Boy plops the fuzzy wig on his head and parades around the zoo.

Turtle Girl watches as he preens and struts. The visitors stop and stare and laugh, then move on. Peacock Boy drops the wig and runs away.

Turtle Girl searches high and low to find him. She worries about him. Finally she finds him in front of Lion Dude’s cage. She hears lion as she walks up behind the boys.

“But Peacock, I don’t understand why you want to be me? You’re free to wander the zoo while I can only pace my enclosure. People can come right up to you in the park and are okay with it. If I were to be loose in the park people would run and scream. You have it made.” Lion Dude shakes his furry mane at Peacock Boy.

“Well, I can go wherever I want.” Peacock Boy nods. “But, people want to be you for Halloween. When was the last time you saw anyone being a peacock for Halloween? You are handsome and people are awed by you.”

Lion Dude looks over at Turtle Girl and the crowd that is gathering behind her. “Tell you what, PB. You know all those fancy feathers you’re dragging on the ground? Puff them up like you do. Strut your stuff. Be who you were created to be. Go ahead, do it now.”

Reluctantly Peacock Boy raises his tail feathers and turns around. Seeing the smiles in the crowd he primps and then struts. He busts a move and the crowd goes wild. Light bulbs flash as the paparazzi strain to capture him in all his glory.

Peacock Boy looks over at Turtle Girl. “They don’t even realize that Lion Dude is back there. They’re taking pictures of me!”

She winks. “See, LD was right. You are amazing just as you are.”

“You both are right. We are different, but that doesn’t mean he’s better than me. I’m gonna be the best Peacock Boy I can be and let Lion Dude be the best he can be.”

“Good plan, man.” Lion Dude roared his approval and the crowd cheered for both the boys.

If you don't do you, you don't get done and creation is incomplete. ~ C. McNair Wilson

Don't Cut Down that Tree

In the yard of the farmhouse that my grandfather grew up in stood a pear tree for more than 100 years. Over the years people have wanted to chop it down for one reason or another. Grandpa always said, "No."

The morning that Grandpa died a storm blew through the area and that old tree was uprooted. Kind of ironic.

Life Happens

Did you miss me last Wednesday and Friday? I blew it. Totally forgot that it was Wednesday and that meant I should post something here is blogland.

Life happened last week. I started a new job on Monday and so I had a week full of learning new things. It was a good week, but a tiring one. I was discombobulated on dates all week and before I knew what happened to Wednesday it was Thursday. (Don’t you just love the word discombobulate!?! I look for reasons to use it.) Then I had something set up to post on Friday, but just found that it didn't.

As with every new job there was a lot to absorb. I learned a few important things. I figured out how to find my way to the cafeteria and back to my cubicle. Finding the cafeteria was easy, but there are a lot of cubicles in the area that I work.

I also figured out something that will hopefully save face at some point. There are three sets of restrooms along the main hall of the building. One across from the main entrance to the office, one close to my workspace and one across from the cafeteria. Whoever designed the area didn’t put much thought into those restrooms. The one by the main entrance and across from the cafeteria both have the women’s restroom on the left and the men’s on the right. The one closest my desk has the women’s on the right.

Do you see the problem? All day I use the one nearest me, but the other day while at lunch I almost ended up in the men’s room when I used the one across from the cafeteria. Trust me, I’m going to be lost in thought one day and end up in the wrong place. I may or may not admit it to you all when it happens, but then again, maybe I will.

I’m going to like my new job. I have met some great people and I’m excited to work for an employer that has a long history in the community. And, with this job I can mark another item off my bucket list. Since the day I entered the work force a while back I’ve wanted to work in a hospital. Now, I do. Granted I’m in the administration building in the business office, but I work for the hospital 

So, my week has been full and I promise I will be better in the future. Have a great week!

Adam and Eve Made their Bed, Now We Have to Lay In It

Things have happened recently that seem incomprehensible. I'll be honest, as a person of faith, I don't have any answers to the question of why evil and death are part of our world.
The pat Christian answer is that way back in the day Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden and ruined it for us all. They made their bed and now we have to lay in it. If it hadn’t been for that first sin we would never have had to deal with death or evil. It is a fact of life in our fallen world. I have used this answer and I have to admit that it doesn’t really make it better and it certainly doesn’t make it easier to understand the incomprehensible.

On this side of heaven we won’t ever be able to explain why bad things happen to good people. I know that God is good. I have seen it for myself. Still, this world and the things that happen break my heart. Somehow we just have to keep trusting God and loving each other through the tough times.

As I was working on this, Katie over at The Journey posted this amazing post. Katie writes of a woman who has seen more years and more misery than I have. This woman has a deep faith and knows that whatever God allows has purpose and she continues to smile, love, and live. Katie openly admits she doesn’t understand this, not yet. And all I can say after the last few weeks is, “me neither, not yet.”

What Can Separate You from the Love of God?

This is another repost from 2008, but the words are still true today.

Life snuck up on me all at once this week. It was really just little things, but so many of them that I began to feel overwhelmed with them. I have been waiting the outcome of an important decision this week and it didn’t come. For the first time ever I had to pay taxes at the end of the year and then found out that my electronic debit couldn’t go through and so I am late on my payment; now I owe interest and penalties. The same day I found that out I learned my debit card number had potentially been compromised. And then I came home to find the homeowner’s association had decided to paint the woodwork on my house green. Mind you, I do like green; I just don’t think it looks great or goes with the style of my house. All these things by themselves wouldn’t have been too bad, but they came all together and by the end of the week I just wanted to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head.


Do you ever have weeks like that? They are frustrating for sure. This morning I was reminded of the verse in Romans 8:31 - “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” Such truth in that little verse. The things in this world often threaten to overwhelm us. Still, God is in control. I reminded myself that God knew what the answer to the decision would be even before I realized a decision needed to be made. He knew about all of the things that would hit me this week.

The trick to this verse is that knowledge of it isn’t enough. I can say all I want that if God be for us, who can be against us? Until I make that verse a part of me they are just words. Until I believe and accept that God controls all, the words just lie there in my mind. I have to take those words to heart, believe, and trust. When I do that the power begins to infiltrate my life. Romans 8:35-37 goes on to remind us:

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written:

"For Your sake we are killed all day long;

We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter."

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.”

Shall tribulation, distress, delayed decisions, late IRS payments, stolen bank card numbers, or crazy house paint separate us from the Lord? No, they cause bumps in our road, but they really don’t change the journey. We are still conquerors and God is still in control.


PS - The green has grown on me.

How to Greet the Day When You're a Night Owl

I’m nocturnal by nature. That second wind seems to come right as I’m climbing into bed and then the ideas ramble through my head as I drop into sleep. I love the quiet, dark and that’s when my creative mind begins to move into full gear. Yes, night time is definitely my time.


Over the years, though, I have often attempted to become a morning person. As much as I am comfortable in the night time hours, I envy morning people. On those mornings when I do get up before the sun I relish the peace. There’s something comforting about being awake while it is still dark outside. Maybe it’s a holdover from my night owl tendencies, but the solitude of the early morning hours are appealing – if it didn’t start so darn early!

So, here’s my little two cents about how a night dweller can enjoy mornings. First, head to bed a little early before attempting this. Second, arise before dawn and brew some coffee. When the coffee is done do your thing with it. For me that’s Splenda and some kind of cream, right now it’s hazelnut. Then curl up on the couch with your Bible and a warm blanket and meet God for a coffee date. Starting your day with Bible and prayer makes the rest of the day go smoother.

Now, make sure you don’t miss the sunrise. God will understand if you take some time for that. For me one of the best things about getting up early is the sunrises. Around here the sun makes a spectacular show in the morning. This is one thing that nights are missing. Sure there’s the sunset, but it’s just not the same as the sun bursting over the horizon to greet a new day. I often stop and gawk at the beauty that Ms. Sun spreads over the sky as she makes her entrance.

If you have the fortitude that I don’t, repeat on a regular basis!

The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders; where morning dawns, where evening fades, you call forth songs of joy. Psalm 65:8

Are You a Clay Pot?

Grey and sticky, the clay is just a block at the beginning. The potter will take a chunk and begin to work it on a flat surface. He kneads and pounds the clay to make it more pliable. When it’s ready, he places it on the wheel, water is added, and the potter begins to “center” the clay on the wheel.


If the clay is not centered the vessel will be hard to keep steady and will not shape right. Centering happens by applying pressure to the top and sides of the mound of clay. Often it takes time to get a piece centered on the wheel. Centering is perhaps the most important aspect of creating a clay pot.

After the potter has worked the clay into the pot he has envisioned it’s set aside to dry. Before the clay completely dries and hardens it’s again placed on the wheel and the potter uses tools to trim and perfect the shape and design. Then comes the first firing in the kiln. Extreme temperatures are reached in order to harden this clay into a usable vessel.

Finally the potter glazes the piece; carefully choosing colors to compliment the shape and purpose of this particular pot. Back in the kiln the pot goes for a final high temperature firing.

What emerges from the kiln is vastly different from the lump of clay it was to begin with. It has been transformed into a coffee mug, a bowl, a plate, or a decorative piece.

A couple of years ago I made a New Year’s goal to try something new each month for that year. Taking a beginning pottery class was one of the things I tried that year. I found a thoroughly enjoyable activity that turned out to have life lessons for me.

My life as a Christian is much like a lump of clay that’s being turned into something beautiful and useful. As I worked with the clay I came to see why the Bible speaks of God being the potter and me being the clay.

This lump of clay has been kneaded and pounded to make it supple enough to begin molding. As I look back on my life I see how God has kneaded and pounded me. I went through my first lay-off five years ago. It was traumatic and hard. I railed and cried and demanded that God do something.

Yet, when I look back I see that the lessons learned during that time served me when I again was going through a lay-off. I had seen God’s provision and plan in the last job loss and I was able to trust that He would be faithful through another. His pounding earlier made me pliable enough to be open to His work at this time. Sometimes our lessons are hard and traumatic. Yet they are so very necessary to our growth.

As I worked at centering my clay on the wheel I began to get a better picture of being centered as a Christian. Without that center, I wobble around the wheel and the vessel I am is misshapen and not suitable for the plan God has for me. Centering takes pressure on the top and sides of the clay. God’s centering requires pressure on me from sources beyond our control.

During the period I was trying to find another job God was applying pressure. I continued to work as a temp during that period. I was doing a job that might have been considered beneath my education and experience. God continued to apply pressure until I began to see that He was providing for me. He was giving me rest in this job that I didn’t have to think too hard to do. And He was teaching me patience and grace.

That same year I was called upon to remember those earlier lessons. God was again providing and giving me rest. He knew what was coming with my dad’s surgery and my mom’s death. He knew that more than anything I would be grateful for the ten months of being there for them and sharing special times with them. Because I was centered in Him, I could rest in His plan for this time.

Heat is a crucial element in the making of a clay pot. The firing is what makes the vessel tough and durable. God uses fire in our lives to shape us. He used fire in my life that year as He has prepared me for my new purpose. For the last several years, my purpose has revolved around being a care giver for my mom. That changed with her death. Still, in the preceding months I began to sense God’s leading me to minister to other care givers. Looking back I see this was God preparing me for my changing purpose.

Yes, without the fire of that year I would not be able to minister to care givers. I would not have the strength or the compassion to support them. God tested me with fire to make me tough and durable.

Finally, the potter glazes his piece to bring out its beauty. God has been glazing me through the experiences of my life to bring out the beauty of my life. He has provided good times amongst the bad times to remind me that He is good. He has worked on patience, strength, compassion, wisdom, forgiveness and love with me so that His beauty shines through me.

Just as the potter takes a lump of clay and turns it into a thing of beauty, so will God take you and turn you into a thing of beauty if you are like clay in His hands. Yield yourself to His work and you will become a beautiful vessel.

Do You Strive for Mediocrity?

Recently my friend’s Facebook page stated that she was “absolutely baffled at how people rise to the level of their incompetence –and then stay there.” The comments to the status update popped up like crocus after spring rains. One friend said that she was afraid that mediocrity had become the acceptable way of life. I have to say that I often wonder the same thing. It seems to be coming more prevalent in human nature to be average. When did we as a race in general decide mediocrity was okay?


I had been pondering mediocrity even before this Facebook encounter. This interchange just seemed to come at a time when I have had to deal with incompetence in several arenas of my life; not my own, but others. In one situation it was revealed to me that the person in question felt everyone took things too seriously and they should be more like her with her lackadaisical attitude. I was shocked when I heard this; it explained a lot about the situation.

Call me crazy, but if I am going to do something like work or writing I want to take it seriously. I don’t want to put my name on something that I haven’t put my all into. Why even bother doing something if you don’t want to try your best. Still, although, I strive to do my best at work and in my writing I wonder how many times I do settle for just doing enough.

Writing requires time and effort. When I short myself on taking time to write my craft suffers. But, finding time to write is one of the things I struggle with and find myself settling. My desire is to glorify God in my writing and mediocrity won’t do that. I need to strive for the best including giving it the time it deserves.

Speaking of God, the Facebook thread soon turned to God. The friend who said that mediocrity had become the acceptable way went on to state, “Imagine where we’d all be if Jesus had said ‘Ya know, this really hurts. It’s too hard. Can I get down now?’ Talk about doing things with a standard of excellence.”

Yep, Jesus set a high standard for us. While we will never be able to fully reach His level of competence and commitment we have something to strive for. He gave His all for us and He blessed us with a gift. I think He expects us to give our all in the pursuit of our gift and not settle for second best.

All of this thought of doing just enough to get by led me to consider my prayer, Bible study and quiet time habits. Do I take it seriously enough? Do I give it my all? Or am I settling for being just mediocre. These thoughts really stunned me and grieved me some. I was sad to not be able to say that I always strive for perfection in that area of my life. Sometimes I do just enough. Yes, God still loves me, but if He doesn’t deserve my best, who does?

Mediocrity really is a threat to us as Christians and as writers. When we settle for good enough and don’t strive for better we shine a poor light on the God we love and want to glorify. It is a threat to me. I definitely need to be working toward a higher standard.