In Plain View

Twelve years ago today I walked into a little church in the middle of a farmer’s field and was changed. The church was surrounded by fields of grain and was ten miles drive from town. Driving out to the church was an intentional act, people rarely happened by the church and stopped in. The path that I had taken to get to that church was much longer than those ten miles.

I grew up in a Christian family. We did all the things many other families do – go to church every Sunday, celebrate Easter and Christmas, attend Sunday school. Still, somewhere in the midst of this Christianity I was lost. I really didn’t understand and when I turned 18 and was given the choice I chose not to attend church. Don’t get me wrong, I believed in God and believed that He was real. I just didn’t feel any real need for structured religion. I was a good person and that should be enough. But something was missing.

For years I had felt like God was pursuing me. I could pinpoint people in my life that seemed to be there for a purpose. First there was Dallas, my fourth grade friend, who took me to her church for Bible Crusades. Then Laurie who lived across the hall from me at Colorado State University; she invited me to join her for dinner my first night on campus. She, too, took me to church, a David Meece concert, and she told me “Let Jesus be your boyfriend.” Honestly, as an 18 year old that had no experience with boys I didn’t want Jesus as my boyfriend, I wanted the real thing. And later Jennifer, my coworker at Kay-Bee Toys would speak to me of Jesus and His love.

By 1997 I had been living in Oregon for 3 years because I felt like I needed a change. It was a change for sure. I went from Colorado where it is said that people can enjoy 360 days a year of sunshine to Oregon where it is said that people can enjoy 360 days of rain. The big change I anticipated didn’t happen all at once. It was only years later that I began to see most of the change. Life at the time was a full time job during the week, a part time job evenings and weekends, and full time school work as I pursued my bachelor’s degree. I was exhausted and pretty miserable much of the time.

I had a friend at work, though, who was bubbling over with enthusiasm for a church she and her husband had begun attending. I was lost and was questioning and Jan patiently answered my questions. One morning over coffee at work she invited me to join her at church sometime and almost fell out of her chair when I said, “How about this Sunday?” I wanted to see what this church was all about.

That Sunday she and her husband picked me up and we drove ten miles out in the country. There was Plainview. It was a little white church building surrounded by fields that were just beginning to explode with their summer crops. I enjoyed the service and was enthralled by the simple statement from the pastor that our relationship with Jesus needed to be vertical, we needed to keep our eyes on him. Two weeks later when Jan asked me to attend the church’s Easter Program I agreed.

It was a Saturday night around 8pm. The church was dark and the program started with Jesus in the manger. “Hah, wrong holiday,” was all I could think. But that program started with His birth and ended with the actor being crucified on the cross. As I watched I began to see the Bible stories in a new light. When they hung Jesus on the cross I could feel the heat of the day on that dusty hill. I could taste the dust in my mouth as I watched in agony while Jesus died. In my mind’s eye I was transported back in time and fully understood that this act was done for me.
For the first time in my life I shed tears for the man who sacrificed so much 2,000 years ago.

Later that night during prayer I raised my hand when the pastor asked if anyone needed Jesus in their life. It wasn’t until later that weekend that I realized my life had been changed. My life had changed, but I am still changing. I am still learning and growing. Twelve years have passed since I saw with new eyes what had been in plain view all my life.

I still have struggles; the Bible never promised that I wouldn’t. But for the past twelve years I have had a strength that does not come from within me. It comes from God. I have weathered many storms over these years and have clung tight to my faith through them all. I think of that little church sometimes and know that it has weathered storms also, both physical and spiritual. Still it stands strong because the people of that church love and trust God. I want to be like that church, standing strong because of my love and trust in God.

Fireflies in December by Jennifer Erin Valent

The year was 1932 when Jessilyn Lassiter turned thirteen years old. For Jessilyn that summer was a time of growing up and changing. For the country it was a time of hatred and distrust toward people who were different. That summer Jessilyn found just how strong hatred and distrust could be when her best friend Gemma came to live with the Lassiters after her parents died in a house fire.

Having a black child live with them made the Lassiters a mark for the Ku Klux Klan. Despite the threats Jessilyn stands strong in her belief that Gemma should be treated like any other. Even when faced with danger she and her family fought against the injustice and strove to be lights in a dark world.

Fireflies in December is the first novel written by Jennifer Erin Valent. It is a beautifully written, poignant story that won the 2007 Jerry B. Jenkins Christian Writer’s Guild First Novel Contest. I had the pleasure of meeting Jennifer at the 2009 Writing for the Soul Conference and hearing how she came to be a published author motivated me to move forward with my book. She pursued writing this book despite the trials and times she wanted to quit and turned out an award winning story. Jennifer is currently working on Cottonwood Whispers the sequel to Fireflies. It is due out in September 2009 and there will be a third book in the series.

You can visit Jennifer's website to learn more about her and her book. And, I highly recommend you go to your local bookstore and buy her book.

Cherish Life

In my friend’s office is a great picture taken on her wedding day. She and her new husband are in a beautiful old car. On one side her head and upper body are through the window and she has her arm outstretched and a magnificent smile on her face. On the other is her husband looking handsome and happy with a smile to match hers. That day they joined their lives together and faced the future.

Two days later her new husband became very ill; he had cancer and was given only six months to live. Nine years later her husband is still here although he has been very sick much of the time. There have been times over the years she thought she would lose him. There have been times when he has been unable to talk or move his hands. Nine years they have been married and for nine years they have faced his possible death each and every day. Thankfully at this time he is doing pretty well.

She revealed their story to me recently during a dinner out. I was surprised to say the least. As we talked she said to me, “I am so grateful that I have found someone like my husband to share my life with. And I have learned to cherish every day because I never know if it will be his last.”

Cherish every day, what awesome advice. Not all of us face such a vivid daily reminder of how fragile and fleeting life is and so we forget to cherish. I know I do. I forget to cherish the moments with my dad and with my siblings. I forget to cherish the amazing world God has surrounded me with. I forget that each day could be mine or my loved one’s last.

Today I am looking at life differently. I want to challenge you to join me in that. Don’t wait until something so terrible reminds you; cherish what God has given you.

25 Random Things about Me

This is one of those activities that are being passed around the web and via email. It kind of reminds me of slam books that were popular when I was in junior high school. I have recently been tagged on Facebook and wrote 25 random things about me. I found it kind of fun to think of things about myself that people may or may not know and I found it somewhat inspiring so I decided to write 25 random things here also. Feel free to join me and write your own 25 things; you might remember some things about yourself!

1. I am the second oldest of four children.

2. As I have grown older I find more and more things in me that are like my mother and father; it’s not a bad thing to be like them!

3. When I was in junior high I wanted to be a cartoon artist. I thought I would work for Disney when I graduated.

4. I have loved to read for as long as I can remember. One of the genres that I really enjoy is true crime and that perplexes me.

5. When I was a teenager (before I was old enough to drive) I couldn’t imagine learning to drive and thought I probably would never get my driver’s license.

6. Despite #5, I did get my license and found that I love to drive! Whenever I need to do any deep thinking I fire up the car and head out to the highway.

7. In 2000 I had a bad accident that Mom and I walked away from, but that stole my joy of driving for about 3 years. I have since gotten over my fear and my love of driving has returned.

8. I always imagined writing a novel some day. Now I am working to make that dream a reality.

9. There was an old washer with the roller and crank that was used to squeeze water from the clothes before hanging them on the line to dry in my grandparent’s basement. When I was about 10 I was playing in the basement of my grandparent’s house with my siblings and cousins. We loved to play with that old washing machine and on that day I was feeding something through the crank and my arm went with it. Yep, I rolled my arm in up to my elbow and then had to roll it back out. It felt like a wet noodle for a while.

10. My first major when I went to college was pre-med. I wanted to be a cardiac surgeon. Later, realizing I would not only have to deal with death on a regular basis, but would also be responsible for someone living or dying while I was operating I decided that probably wasn’t the best career for me.

11. I once was sucked into a little cave while tubing on the South Platte River. I thought for sure I was going to die down there and I screamed so loud my friends could hear me a mile downstream.

12. Despite #11 someday I want to go rafting on the Arkansas River.

13. I have never been a waitress. For a short time I was a hostess at Ihop, but drew the line at waitressing.

14. My first roommate and I had a mouse in our apartment. She named him Ben. He couldn’t stay because he totally freaked us out, especially the morning I got up around 3am to use the bathroom and there he was sitting behind the bathroom door.

15. Somewhere along the way I lost track of my first roommate and I regret that. I still remember how everything that summer was “Out of control!” and that was a good thing!

16. I have lived in two foreign countries and six states.

17. I played hand bells in the bell choir when I was ten.

18. I have never been very good at volleyball.

19. In high school I was a baseball manager and loved it. Last year I went to the Rockies Spring Training Camp in Tucson and was transported back to my high school baseball days. Today I drove by my old high school and as always I glanced over at the baseball diamond. There were enough geese on the field to make up a baseball team. I imagine they were working on their fielding skills.

20. My high school letter jacket still hangs in my coat closet and it has been 26 years since high school.

21. I never liked ice cream until I worked at Baskin-Robbins. Now I am an ice cream snob and am quick to tell people that Dairy Queen isn’t real ice cream.

22. For a number of years when my nephew was learning to talk I was nicknamed “Hammie.”

23. I love shoes and purses :-)

24. I have blonde hair and green eyes; my three siblings have brown hair and brown eyes. When I was younger a friend of my Mom’s once asked if I was adopted.

25. My grandparent’s farm is a century farm. Indiana honors any farm that has been in the same family for 100 years. Three of my cousins now run the farm since Grandpa retired.

Well, there you have it; twenty five random things about me you probably didn’t need to know. Please feel free to post a comment with random things about yourself!

2009 - The Road Ahead

It seems that 2008 just started and yet here we are trying to remember to write 2009 on everything. My last post in November was titled “Time Flies” and it certainly does. It has now been just over a year since my mother passed away, it has been just as long since I have returned to full time employment and it has been almost two years since I started my website and blog. Time certainly flies.

As I began 2008 I decided to try something new and/or adventurous each month of the year. I managed to accomplish that for 11 months, although I still need to blog about October and November. I had some great times in my quest for adventure, but more important I learned some things about myself and life.

I found that adventure can be found in the most unlikely places. Adventure isn’t always an activity; I think it is more the way a person looks at life. As I searched for adventure I found excitement and beauty in life that I hadn’t seen before. I found that my eyes were open to life where they had been closed. Meeting that goal really gave me a new outlook on life.

My search for adventure brought new and interesting people into my life. For the first time I was seeing things in the people I met that I would have formerly missed. My desire to not let life pass me by enabled me to meet people where they were and learn from them. This was an unplanned aspect of my goal, but was one of the best outcomes.

For 2009 I am still trying to decide what my goal for each month is. I know how much this goal has the ability to open my eyes to new and exciting people, places and things. Whatever I decide, you can be sure I will be sharing my experiences here on my blog!

Time Flies

Well, it's been a month since I have posted and life has been a little hectic.

In the middle of October I received a promotion at work. It has been a really good thing, but it has required major changes in my life and my schedule. I am slowly getting used to the new schedule and learning how to fit in all the important things. I will figure it all out and will be back on a regular schedule soon.

Diary of Psychiatrist Physician with Lewy Body Dementia and Alzheimer's

Over the years since Mom was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia I have often wondered what she thought in the early days when she realized something was going on. She never really talked about it with me or my siblings and I think she talked only a little more about it with Dad. She was a very independent person who protected her family. I believe she didn’t want us to worry about her and that is why she hid it for so long.

Today I had the opportunity to visit and read a blog that is greatly appreciated. Diary of a Psychiatrist Physician with Lewy Body Dementia and Alzheimers is the blog of David Thomas, MD. Dr. Thomas is a 59 year old physician who has been diagnosed with Lewy. He has begun this blog in an attempt to share this disease from a first-hand patient prospective. He writes about his medical training that involved only the briefest mention of Lewy Body Dementia and how the diagnosis has affected him. My heart goes out to Dr. David and his wife, Pamela as they deal daily with the tragedy that is dementia. Even so, I am extremely grateful for their willingness to be open and honest.

Dr. Thomas mirrored my thoughts about blogging in that it sometimes feels self centered to write about myself and things that matter to me. Yet, his blog is not selfish, it is selfless. I wonder if I were in his shoes would I be able to write freely about what was happening. I commend him in his desire to further knowledge and offer insight and support for other Lewy sufferers.

The beginning entries of his blog detail the incidents that led to diagnosis and he has begun to share some of his deepest feelings. He describes the pain of deciding to surrender his medical license and how that affected him. His persona was largely built around his work as a physician. He put many years into his education and more years in his practice of helping others. Now, that part of him is past, although he, by writing his blog, is sharing his knowledge of the disease from a unique doctor-as-patient view point.

My mother was not a physician, but she worked many years outside the home. She volunteered and devoted herself to others. As the disease progressed she was unable to return to any kind of work outside the home. Eventually she was unable to drive. Then, slowly, she lost the ability to do the basics of everyday life for herself.

I wonder sometimes what her thoughts were when she was more aware and for periods of time understood what was happening to her. She never really talked about it. It saddens me that she felt she couldn’t share more with us, but that was the way Mom worked….she protected us and dealt with whatever life threw at her.

Reading Dr. David’s blog was hard. I want to know more about Lewy, but it devastates me as I read about others who are dealing with the disease. Dr. David is doing a noble thing by sharing. I encourage you to visit his blog. It is brand new and has had only a few entries, but already has increased awareness. He has a blog counter on the site and since he began the blog early this month it has already had over 500 hits. I regret that Lewy has given him a reason to blog, but in doing so he has put a face on the disease. That is what we need in order to fight Lewy; we need the disease to have a face and not be just some blurb in a medical text book somewhere.

New Week, New Beginnings

A new week is beginning. It is a week full of busyness and To Do items. It's a week of a new coworker and changing of the guard with a coworker leaving. It is a week that will be so full it will almost burst at the seams.

Life seems to be that way lately. Always full, always too much to do. I often wonder how life got this way. I am not the only one who is busy. I talked with a friend yesterday who mentioned that at home she barely has time to log on to the internet to check email to connect with friends far away. We have more technology now and it should be easy to keep in touch. Yet it seems to get harder every day.

This week I am going to try to enjoy all of life despite my busyness. I am going to try to take those brief moments of beauty and enjoy them while they last!

GO PURPLE FOR DEMENTIA

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and everywhere I look I see pink. I picked up a sales circular for an office supply store from the Sunday paper and was blasted with a jolt of pink. These days you can buy pink phones or bikes or yogurt and a portion of the proceeds support breast cancer research and awareness. The pink items are part of the fundraising done by Susan G. Komen for the Cure. In the last few years Komen and breast cancer have become closely associated with the color pink.

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for breast cancer awareness and research, but I have often wondered at how this happened. It’s amazing, really; the color pink on a product immediately brings to mind the fight against this deadly disease.

Today, Nancy G. Brinker, the founder of Susan G. Komen for the Cure was on the Oprah show. This was the first time I have really heard the story of Susan G. Komen. She was 33 years old when diagnosed with breast cancer in the 70s. Before she died she made her sister Nancy promise she would do everything in her power to fight the disease. Out of that promise grew the amazing organization that has done so much for beginning to tame this disease.

As I listened to Nancy talk about what it was like for Susan and her family as she was struggling with the disease in the 70s it struck me how much it mirrored what my family went through when Mom was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia (LBD.) Nancy talked about the lack of support groups, information, and understanding at the time. That is what it is like for LBD patients and their families now.

Today breast cancer is well known. Information is more abundant and because of the work of Nancy Brinker women don’t have to feel so alone when the diagnosis comes. Pink has succeeded in giving a face to this illness.

When Mom was diagnosed with LBD we found the Lewy Body Dementia Association. This young organization is working to increase research and raise awareness of the disease but we still have a long way to go. As with so many causes these days the LBD as well as the Alzheimer’s Association has taken a color to signify their fight. For the groups fighting dementia that color is purple. During recent Memory Walks for the Alzheimer’s Association purple balloons, t-shirts and banners were everywhere. For years I have been curious about how to get people to know purple like they do pink.

Today I learned how Nancy took her family's fight and turned it into a nationwide initiative. It’s a lofty thought, but as I watched I formulated ways of moving our fight into the same type of nationwide initiative. I don’t want to draw attention from breast cancer, but I do want to draw attention to the plight of dementia sufferers. In a perfect world this wouldn’t be necessary. I live in an imperfect world and so I have decided to wave my purple banner high.

Someday people will see purple and know that dementia is a horrendous disease. People will be able to purchase a purple phone or bike or yogurt and know that their money is supporting something important. They will understand that their jokes about having Alzheimer’s really aren’t that funny. They will understand and the stigma associated with dementia will begin to disappear. They will understand that others have walked this road and they don’t have to walk alone.

Today I go purple on this blog and will continue to tout purple until dementia is conquered.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

It has been said that a picture is worth a thousand words. I took this picture while on vacation. It was such a sweet picture I had to share!