Because of the fact that I live in a state known for its mountains and the skiing I get asked if I ski. I get asked it A LOT!
But the sad truth is I have never been a ski bunny. Oh, I tried. I hit the slopes several times...usually pretty hard ;-)
I am not terribly graceful on my own two feet. Add skis and poles and slippery snow it makes for a very precarious situation for all the other unsuspecting folks on slopes.
My first time on the slopes my friend and I took a basic lesson. We practiced on the bunny slope. Then we decided to brave the mountain. I promptly knocked her down while getting in the ski lift. We did make it to the top of what was supposed to be a green slope aptly named for those like me who are green and haven't done much skiing. It was pretty steep, I thought, for a green slope and it had a turn in it!
I got to going way too fast and all I could see was the area where my slope merged with another and the trees on the other side. Back in those days we didn't pay as much attention to safety so there was no helmet on my head to protect my precious brains.
I saw a sign in the snow and reached out for it in hopes of slowing down. But, the durn thing was only stuck in the snow so as soon as I grabbed the sign it flew up in the air. No help at all.
Finally I decided to fall down so I wouldn't run into the trees. As I tumbled screaming bloody murder I lost a ski and landed in a heap further down the slope. At that point there was nothing left to do but laugh. So I did.
That is where one very panicky ski patrol lady found me. Based on the curdling scream I let out she was expecting blood and brains all over the slope and all she found was me laughing like a hyena.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, yes I am. Could you help me up?"
She unhappily helped me up and I asked, "Can you go up there and get my other ski?"
With an exasperated huff she did that funky little sideways ski walk up the hill, grabbed my ski and brought it to me.
As I put it on she admonished me, "You need to be more careful. AND SLOW DOWN."
What could I say; trying to slow down was what got me in that situation in the first place. My ski day ended very quickly after that when I discovered my ski slope affinity was more to the sitting in the lodge sipping hot chocolate than for swooshing down the slopes.
I tried a couple more times, but never really got the hang of it and once my friends hear this story they usually don't want to help me get the hang of it :-)