Monday, November 9, 2009

Attitude of Gratitude?

So, here’s the deal, today was a stinking hard day. It started out with an impossible email and got tougher from there. All day I chewed on thoughts of this post and it was just like chewing on shoe leather. Not that I have ever chewed on shoe leather mind you, but I imagine it would be tough and stringy and the more I chewed the tougher it would get. It was just one of those kinds of days.

All the way home I considered gratitude and my attitude toward it. I have much to be thankful for. My life is full and I have everything I need. I have a good job, a house, a car, clothes on my back, food on my table, money growing towards retirement, the love of my Savior, a very sweet kitty cat, a loving family, many friends, etc, etc, etc. Do you see what I mean? How could I not be grateful?

And I am thankful for all these things and so much more. But here at the end of the day I sit in front of my computer and wonder at the fact that I have had trouble with posting something to be grateful for each day. And, it’s only the 9th of the month; there’s still 21 days to go.

As I read back over my Attitude of Gratitude posts they feel trite and simple. I wrote them and still I wonder if there is any true sentiment behind them or if they are just words on a computer screen. It makes me kind of sad really. My heart should be brimming over with everything.

How is that we can be so quick to forget the good things and take them for granted, but hang on to the bad things? As I drove home I tried to feel something other than the frustration of a day full of trials. Try as I might everything that came out of my mouth fell like rocks into my lap. (Yes, I was talking to myself about this during my commute….it’s one of those crazy things about me.)

I cranked up the music and sang along with the praise music on the radio station. When that didn’t work I turned the radio off and talked to God. I explained to Him how I felt and my guilty feelings at not mustering much thankfulness today. I know He heard me and I was a little disappointed that my confession didn’t produce the cup runneth over feeling I was looking for. But then again, I think God is trying to get something across to me through this. I am sure it has so much more to do with than this little blog. What it is I am not yet sure; someday, hopefully soon, I will understand. Until then I remember that my Jesus loves me even at times like this and for that I am grateful.

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